“A sign of growth is being okay with not being okay.”
Let that quote sit with you for a moment.
For most humans, being out of their element or comfort space is simply unacceptable. A day to day routine is set & never ventured from. A sudden rustle of those feathers & the chickens fly the coupe. I understand that feeling, my friend. Boy, do I get it.
Throw me out of my quiet, calm bubble & the madness inside me becomes overwhelming. After some fight, a bit of pouting & the ever famous ‘resting bitch face,’ I settle into unknown territory & make myself comfortable in the craziness surrounding me.
Over the last 3-4 years, my life has been ever moving, setting down a finished task to reach for the next kind of pace. I don’t think I’ve had time to blink more than 10 times! I firmly hated the lifestyle I now live to the fullest. 5 years ago, this was not me in any form. I was much more of the “eh, it will get done when it gets done” or “I just don’t feel like it” kinda girl. I laugh at that at this very moment; my life would certainly not wait for me to get off my lazy ass & do it when I actually felt like it. Let me tell you, the first day of the last 4 years was ungodly uncomfortable for me. I was NOT okay with not being okay. Overwhelmed was an understatement & I wore it like a leather jacket. I didn’t know how to manage one stress freak out to the next emotional meltdown. I had no idea how to live in such an unfamiliar state that I sunk before I even thought of swimming. I couldn’t tell you when it actually clicked, and I remembered those long-forgotten swimming lessons, but I did. I spit out the inhaled water, wash the taste of salt from my mouth & dried my hair.
When I look back on everything I’ve come face to face with over the years, 9 times out of 10, I wasn’t okay. I’ve been knocked down more times than I care to admit. But, I certainly grew in those painful times. To my distaste, I thrive in uncomfortable, not okay situations of life. When everything is, in my definition, not oh fucking kay, those are the moments I grow deep & strong.
When faced with uneasy situations in life, you have two options, throw your hands up & let life roll you over, OR you push back & show not being okay is okay! Take your time; throw a toddler level fit for a minute. Then darling, dust yourself off, throw your head back & laugh at the mess you let yourself become & grow your roots deep in the lessons you’ve learned. <3
In all honesty, I have not been immune to the high tension brought on by the waxing crescent in Aries. The universe has been heavy, responsibilities are mounting. I’ve done a few readings within this particular time frame and have had similar outcomes; even my cards can feel the extra weight. And yes, we do harbor a great deal of discretion in reading our cards intuitively, but when both you and your cards are in a funk, readings can be a little perplexing for the already scattered brain. The aforementioned inherently concludes a lack of “spare” time in which to sit down and ground yourself, focus your thoughts, and free your spirit. This means that youhave to find the time and the place – the atmosphere will not simply hand it to you. So I am no exception. My brain map has been a tangled web and my thoughts have been twirling recklessly. I have been overworked and under the weather creatively. The moon and universal vibrations are clearly not alone at fault for these factors being as they are. There are a few much less organic contributions to my stoic nature being tested – the things I can control – I think we’ve talked about this before – and I am still learning to take the reins despite myself.
The really good news is, tonight we transition into Taurus and the Spring Equinox is upon us (Ostara, if you will)! This time is so incredibly welcomed right now. This phase provides a beautiful time to grow, to restart. Make plans in which to follow through with. Start a project you’ve been putting off. Make decisions that will make a difference in your pursuits. Now is the time. Be fertile, adventurous, curious, and dominant. Embrace discomfort and struggle and accept these feelings as a challenge to get through to clear skies. If you need to cry it out, write it out, shout it out, work it out, create it out, whatever it is you might need to do, do it. Rid yourself of it…
And then wake up tomorrow to a brand new day. Accept and embrace the changes you’ve promised to make within yourself and in your environment. Keep yourself safe and protected, of course, but let your hair down for the ride. You were created for more than the stress and the mundane – you are beautiful and unique and as powerful as you believe you are. Let the beginning of Spring be the beginning of more than just a season for you.
“Don’t dismiss the elements. Water soothes and heals. Air refreshes and revives. Earth grounds and holds. Fire is a burning reminder of our own will and creative power. Swallow their spells. There’s a certain sweet comfort in knowing that you belong to them all.”
So when I woke up this morning, my own energy had me befuddled. It began when I hit my snooze button FOUR times; an unheard-of series of actions perpetrated by the swipe of my own finger. I am one of those people who firmly believe that the first moments of your morning can affect the continuation of your day, and this was quite a destructive start. Running 30 minutes late, my coffee maker had already done its job by freshly brewing my morning coffee at 6:00 a.m., precisely the moment my feet typically hit the floor. My coffee is now barely room temperature & I avoid a microwave like a plague. I drink it begrudgingly. I go upstairs to wake my son up. He is immediately aware, via the light shining in through his window, that we are running at least 24 minutes late, and he is no happy camper. “Seriously, mom? I hardly have time to make waffles now”. Okay. I need a shower, but I’m running low on time. It was 60 & sunny yesterday, but this morning it’s 30 & snowing. I’m feeling groggy and flighty at once; I am befuddled all about myself.
Upon returning home from the snowy drive to school, I’m tempted to continue on with an attitude. Indeed, I was being lured into the dark side of a single bad morning. My natural inclination when feeling this way is to take myself outside and plant my feet into the grass. I am an Earth sign; unapologetically & intimately pulled toward my element. On this particular morning, however, the grass is blanketed in freezing absurdity. I needed to find elemental happiness while my earth was snowed-in & my air was painfully bitter.
That’s just fine. Totally fine, until I’m reminded that I have less than 1 hour before I have to be at work, leaving my desire for a milk & tea bath utterly unfulfilled. I’ve exhausted all options but one; the one I have historically been least likely to experiment with… Fire.
It’s not that fire doesn’t appeal to me. It is without question the most exciting, the warmest & most vibrant of all elements. Perhaps all those years of being told “don’t play with fire” had taken its toll on my now-adult subconscious. I have 35 minutes to spare – “Why not?” I asked myself.
See, candles & fire are a very common tool in my witch’s cupboard. I make oils, meditate, read cards & bathe by candlelight. I hadn’t, though, forged a genuine relationship with that candlelight, until this morning that is.
I reach the third floor, where my sanctuary awaits me. I begin grabbing candles of all shapes, sizes & colors, pooling them together on the floor (where candle wax is already abundant) & follow up by grabbing some of the more grounding stones to keep nearby. I had formulated no method of which colors to use; I was not doing spell work & I had no intentions aside from “un-befuddling.” I light a chime candle & use it to light the others, one by one. Purple, green, orange, black, tealight, red, white, black, another purple, this weird mustard colored one that seldom gets any action, and so on. I then commenced to playing with fire in ways I never had before. Keeping mind of where every strand of my hair is while knelt down before this infantry line of natural light, I watch the flames keenly. The one on the far East end dances mambo, the purple one in the middle is the strongest & warmest. I stroke my fingers through the flames & grow accustomed to my soft human skin being tested. Within a matter of moments, this element that I previously had no relationship with started to feel like a dear, old flickering friend. I was so enamored by my discovery that I spent a little too much time (I probably had time for that bath..) but only ended up being about 3 minutes late to work. Three very worth it minutes.
The important fact is that by the time I arrived at work I was no longer befuddled. There was a calm over me. I felt neither groggy nor flighty; I felt good. Taking that moment to slow down and connect with an unfamiliar element was unknowingly needed. It wasn’t quite as good as sitting in a lavender field or taking a nap in a tree, but Fire was there when Earth was unavailable to me, and it was an endeavor well worth experimentation.
Is there a particular element that you feel drawn to? As I mentioned earlier, I am naturally drawn to Earth but am also exuberantly joyful about water and have always maintained a level of comfort in and around water. I usually think of fire as this force of loud and vivacious energy; capable of tearing down that which it comes into contact with. We have learned to use fire in spell work where an energetic spirit is needed or passions are sought after.. when you need strength, power, and aggressiveness. I’m delighted to know, however, that it doesn’t have to be loud and vivacious all of the time. The lonely flame of one candle burns so slowly and graciously. I feel that we could all learn something from getting to better know the elements which constantly surround us while we wander along unaware. It’s quite likely that it sounds ridiculous to say that I played with candles for 30 minutes and completely turned my day around – but have you tried it? Sometimes you just need to take a moment to yourself to reconnect with yourself, however, it may work for you. That might mean a date in the dirt, a long, deep breath of fresh air, a relaxing bath (or swim), or putting your hands in fire. It’s your call but find elemental happiness. Find connectedness. Play with the elements & get to know them better. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship.